Thankful

Thankful. Expressing gratitude or appreciation. A series appearing on Thursdays in November.

2015-11-08 21.37.20

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.

I write this on the chalkboard above my bookshelf, the script curling. It is easy to write, easy to recite verse turned Michael W. Smith lyrics.

It is sometimes harder to believe.

Even after attending a Bible college (especially after attending a Bible college), there is so much theology that is tangled up in my mind. I don’t know whether God has predestined the socks that I put on this morning or if the refugee crisis was caused by human free will and evil still fighting for power. I don’t know if the verses talking about wives submitting to their husbands were completely culturally bound, or if they should be taken word for literal word. I don’t know if babies should be baptized as infants.

Some days, I even catch myself wobbling on this foundational belief, that God is good.

In my head, the head that has read the Bible multiple times and spent my whole life trucking to church on Sundays, I know he is. When I look at my life and experiences, which shout of God’s provision, I know he is. He provides: friendships and jobs and survival and connections and family and apartments and health and little snapshots of daily grace.

But when things get sticky, I question again.

Where will I be living a year from now? Will this relationship survive? Will I find a job? Will I ever have opportunities to travel? Will I be lonely? Will I ever be a functional adult? Will my life amount to anything? Will God prove that he is trustworthy and good, again and again and again?

But my questions don’t change the truth. Thank God.

He proved his goodness when he created the world. When he was crucified. When he rescued my scared, proud little soul.

Even when I can’t see his goodness, it still exists. Even when I can’t see his plan and triple-check for myself that it is good, it still is. Even though I don’t know the theological particulars, truth and grace and beauty and redemption still win. Even though “What if?” feels like a terrifying question, I can still ask it without fear. Because God is good.

I am thankful for this today. I give thanks because of this today.

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One thought on “Thankful

  1. Honey, remember that good and safe are not necessarily the same thing. Also, somedays I still wonder if I will ever be a functional adult. Just saying…
    Love you,
    Mom

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